Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
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I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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