I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
