i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
