just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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