**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
