Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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