Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
