I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
