I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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