I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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