I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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