Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever