My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.