So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?