don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?