i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???