i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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