We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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