At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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