Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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