I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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