just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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