saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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