In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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