all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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