It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
