Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize