I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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