So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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