Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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