have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
