dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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