HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize