I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
