its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
