I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
