I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
