yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
