I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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