On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
