the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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