He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize