i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
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she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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