Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
