Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
