Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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