Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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