Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you bring me the toilet please
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
