then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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