That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
