So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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