Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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