There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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