We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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