somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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